Here Be Dragons

2008-03-13

Eyeballs

The rest of the lower eye stitches came out this morning. It looks a lot better and it's not so tight. I can finally rub my eyes. It hurt with the stitches. It leaves me with a puzzle though. Do I wear eye liner and mascara and attract attention to my black eyes or go without and look bruised and washed out? I settled for some neutral brown shadow and a thin line of eyeliner with mascara only on the top lashes. I've worn eyeliner and mascara since 9th grade and I just feel too naked without it. I'm lucky because my work glasses throw a shadow where the bruises are and sort of blend them.

Fred drove me to the doctor's (7:15AM appointment an hour away) and it hit me on the way back that I'd done so much all alone practically all my adult life and here I had a man that not only came with me but offered to go. He was afraid my eye sight might be temporarily affected when the stitches were pulled. He grows more and more attractive to me by the day and it's been since September 2006. It's a constant revelation because he's so different and thoughtful from what I had. I don't know if I even appreciate it enough. Most of the time I forget to say thank you because I'm still in shock that someone cared. It's like I'm waiting for him to say, "Just Kidding!" and laugh at me when I ask for anything personal, or don't ask and he offers from the goodness of his heart.

As much as I wondered what awful Karma I had created to have a man I dedicated myself to for over a quarter of a century abandon me for no reason while I recovered from breast cancer, I now wonder what the hell I did so right to deserve all this and at this stage in my life. It's wonderful!

You know when the Ex and I broke up I would look at old couples and cry that I'd never be 80 and still holding hands with the man I loved and spent my life with as we talked over a meal still having things to share after so many years, still so in love. Now I know I never would have had that with the Ex. We would have had the years but the loving experience would have been missing. With Fred I can really have that. The Ex was just a bookmark holding Fred's place until he could show up in my life.

Work

I went to work after the doctor's visit and even though the past few days I've felt like I've been having a kind of out-of-body-experience, being light headed and kind of unsteady on my feet, I seem to be functioning alright at work. I'm chalking the weird feelings up to being huddled inside for 6 days without any exercise or human interaction (Fred doesn't count, he's too nice to be human), and maybe the beer .. haha. Hopefully another good night's sleep and the mental activity at work will have me right as rain by tomorrow.

I've started a kind of flowchart for work. I think it will end up being very big but comprehensive if I keep working at it. I'm tired of hidden function keys, missing help files and recreating the wheel. I swear I've had the same things explained to me a dozen times. That has to stop.

And that's the other thing. I thought for sure work would be pissed that I was out for so long and shocked at the old lady and her plastic surgery and her obvious stupid bruising. It's a young company overall. Well, they all asked me how I felt like they meant it and acted like they may have missed me, all except the snobby guy who treated me with total indifference, which for him may be akin to anyone else's avid interest. Maybe they like me! Yaay! I definitely have a better comfort level now and looking younger won't hurt with this group either.

My daughter

My youngest daughter may be moving home. Her BF's brother moved in with them last December by the Father's order and although they are paying rent at the Father's house they don't own it and couldn't veto it. The thing is that the brother is crazy and hallucinates and now he wanders the house at all hours of the night hallucinating people and calling 911 and then not answering the door to the police because he has a warrant. She's calling it a psychotic break and is afraid for her life. There's even a bigger story but I'll tell it another time. She doesn't want to just throw him in a homeless shelter though. He's too crazy for that. She wants to help him, but right now he's incoherent enough to make him a threat to her and probably himself. She's had him committed before but they only lock you up for a week and give you no help as far as medications that will stabilize you.

Anyways, long story short, she's threatened to move home by this weekend if nothing's done for him. She wants the father to step up to the plate and get him a doctor. The father wants him to work and get insurance. He's too crazy for that. He's indigent and will probably qualify for financial help if someone takes control. As a matter of fact the father owns a business and won't hire him.

I would love to have my baby back but it will be a real disruption. The only spare room is where I have moved all my clothes. I'd have to crash Fred's closet and bureau and that will put me right back to the old days with no place for anything and nothing in its place. But at least she'll be safe.

My Friend

My high school friend that I visited last week before surgery called me from Florida where she lives to see how I was getting on post-op. Well we're talking and I hear "OH! OH! OH! WAIT A MINUTE!" and then nothing but ambient background noise. It turns out that she was rear ended while we were talking by another woman who was also on a cell phone. Let me tell ya until she got back to me it was scary. I had no idea if I should hang up so no one would know she was talking on the phone or to hang in there and find out if she was ok .. Well I hung in there and the cell had landed under the back seat so it took awhile to find it. She was OK and so was everyone else but wow, that was intense.

HAHA! For someone who was housebound for 6 days a lot happened! I didn't even tell you about my other friend who turns out to have a genetic disease that went ten years without diagnosis.

Tomorrow. This is too long already.

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