2007-05-09

Iíve become irregular in my updates and I apologize but Iíve had a life since living with Fred since I was laid off. Last weekend we brought my three grandchildren to the Circus. None of them had been before. It was worth every moment to see the youngest girl look in awe at the Trapeze artists and say, ďI wish I could do that.Ē And see the others try to figure out how to make a tight rope (but a little closer to the ground) and watch my grandsonís face light up because he saw someone shot out of a canon. There were those things and so much more even if it was TWELVE BUCKS for a cotton candy!

After that Iíve spent two days finishing up painting the upstairs bedroom floor in preparation for the delivery of the new bed and bureau Friday. Iíve painted and Fredís been doing the carpentry and putting up molding and fixing small patches and he even designed and wired a new nautical looking light fixture that would look neater and more modern and themed than the one that was there.

I spent one day with my oldest daughter and spent an evening watching my grandson play softball with a few more to come (long season!), which is way better than killing time at the Moose in the early evenings. Iím trying to not drink and to diet off at least ten pounds. Iím within 5 pounds of my heaviest weight, even pregnant!

Today is going to be another glorious mid 70ís day (would be nearer 80 if I was inland and not directly on the coast) and Iím going to open all the windows and doors and start polyurethaning (SP??) my kitchen floor. You see thatís why it takes me days to paint a floor or poly one. I have too much crap and too little strength so I have to push all the crap from one side of the floor to another and paint/poly that side and then push the crap onto where I painted/polyed and do the next free section. Luckily my kitchen is only two sections but my upstairs bedroom was three which took 4 days because I got out of sync with one of the second coats.

Iím hoping this will be only two days but Iím gonna need some help moving some of the heavy stuff in the kitchen. (Hello Fred!). To make things worse I shouldnít even be doing this. I should be studying for my A+ exam before the exam changes in June and then I have to restudy for a different test. But for some reason Iím going thru a terrific burst of energy doing some nesting like I used to do during pregnancy.

Iím really letting Ron go. I saw him and brought him to the doctorís Monday after his work to check out that spot they found 6 months ago on his lung. I also took him to see his lawyers for the cranberry bog law suit on Tuesday. Next Monday Iíll bring him to court for his DUI case. I will always love him in some kind of way. Face it, Ron was ďThe OneĒ of my youth but heís also no Fred.

Ronís even admitting now that I was the one that kept him safe and grounded and prevented him from flying off the handle into craziness. He admits his life was better with me. He calls his GF an obsession thatís over with yet he doesnít talk about coming home or reconciling. He wants out and to stay out. Me? Well after experiencing an almost stress free life with Fred, He takes care of just about everything, with no emergencies and no sneakiness, no taking off all night, a man I can believe and have faith in. After working and living with Fred and watching him bloom as much as I have Ö. He said I was wonderful but when I said ďBut so are youĒ he said, ďYou allow me to be wonderfulĒ Well, I just know there is no turning back anymore. I found something worth so much more and it seems to be great for both if us.

The other day I admitted, ďYou know Fred, if I hadnít been abused in the way I had and you hadnít been abused in the way you had, I donít think we would have appreciated each other as much.Ē And he agreed and said, ďBut what if it was like this for us back in our 20ís and we had always lived like this. It would have been wonderful like this and normal our whole lives.Ē And that made me think, maybe, just maybe he was right.

May your day be as happy as mine.


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Nesting