Here Be Dragons

2007-09-09

9-9-07

The home made spaghetti sauce came out delicious! Thank god it�s a very forgiving recipe because it would have been a shame to mess up that many tomatoes after investing that much work and time. It�s totally worth it to skin them with a quick dip in boiling water to not have skins floating around in the sauce but I�m not sure I got a real return on de-seeding all of them. Next time I think I�ll just try gently squeezing them and what comes out, comes out. I was worried at first though because the sauce was pink, not red, but it cooked down and came out awesome! Next time I think I won�t use quite as much Italian seasoning and not quite as much garlic. It was good but very strong tasting. Fred divided it in two and froze half and put a pound of scrambled burger in the other half and it was yummy in my tummy. Next I�m looking for a chili recipe which uses fresh diced tomatoes *that* shouldn�t be hard. The trick will be cooking it before they all turn on me while in school next week!

Thursday night Fred won 1000 dollars at Yahtzee at the Moose. WooHee! YAAY!

Friday night Fred and I went to see Government Mule at the open tent of the Boston Pavilion. It was my first time there and it was wonderful! The opening act was Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. I bought her CD on the spot and got it autographed. I got kind of the same feeling from her that I got the first time I heard Nickelback on a morning show. I think this girl can go somewhere!

Saturday night I went to see Jimmy Buffett at the new Foxboro Patriots Stadium. OMG! That thing is HUGE! And it was FORTY bucks just to park onsite!! The tickets were 128 bucks a piece! I guess even though he puts on an amazing and entertaining show that I can say that I got F*cked by Buffett!

Saturday was also a day that Fred, me and my youngest brother went looking at different options for my Dad when he gets released. It turns out that when we visited the assisted living place, that Dad was partial to, it offers services he doesn�t need at exorbitant costs. He�s still capable of dressing himself albeit in dirty, frayed clothes and bathing himself even if it is once a month and feeding himself even if it�s one half of a crappy, fatty submarine sandwich for lunch and for supper booze and the other half of the sub. I�m tempted to think that he had a slight withdrawal from booze the day he was so awful and checked himself out of the hospital.

Anyway his best and easiest option for *US* as his children is independent living. We�d just sign him up and pop him in and it�s �problem solved�. The best for him may be selling the place he is in now and buying a one level home with a pool and some human services. The thing is that we ask him to CHOOSE one of the options we present so we can pursue a solution that he wants but he won�t choose an option, never mind a particular choice within that option. He won�t help us at all and tells us it�s his decision, which it is, and that the stairs never gave him a lick of trouble. He says, �I never fell at the stairs!� and we answer, �No just on flat surfaces but do you really want to see what stairs will do for you? Do you want a broken hip and not be able to return to the shop for months?� and then he just shuts down on us with an �I don�t want to talk about it anymore�.

I believe that if HE wanted to solve HIS problem (if he admitted to having one) He would solve it with his secretary�s help. He doesn�t need any of us kids to solve his problem of the stairs and/or to move. He could investigate his choices himself and in the past he has. So if he is serious about moving why is he letting us run all around town taking up whole days investigating and then not committing to any of it?

He is either incompetent and in denial about his health needs OR blowing smoke up our asses in a passive-aggressive way.

For instance, if he�s passive-aggressive he will let us think that we�re helping and is non-confrontational to our suggestions and to our so called and unasked for �help� but in the end he will do what he wants and return to his stairs at his old home with full awareness that he might not be making a safe decision but playing the odds. Meanwhile we think we�re actually contributing and helping him when he has no intention of moving and we�re just wasting our time.

I don�t know who is more delusional. Us for thinking we�re doing anything he will listen to or value, or him for being in complete denial of his health needs and abilities.

But I bet anyone in my family that if I or my youngest brother up and quit looking, visiting and helping (otherwise know as badgering and interfering) that our Dad would with 100% certainty return to his home with the stairs.

What would I do if it was all left to me? I would go to a lawyer, get assigned as his guardian and make him move to a safe place. If he got his own lawyer to fight me (and he probably would) I would then offer to drop the case if he proved himself sane to the court by moving to a safe environment. Case solved.

Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, the stubborn old coot. He makes it very hard to love him and care for him!!

One more thing. Ya know I gotta give him props though. He�s fought a serious disability, being blind, for many years, and adjusted and adapted in the most creative ways for about 20 years, even adjusting to his own slow decline. He may be stubborn but I think that�s why he�s here running his own shop, still working and living blind and barely walking all by himself for so long. You gotta admire toughness like that even if it�s difficult when that same refusal to give in and quit is pitted against you.

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