2008-12-07

Okee dokee .. two posts in a row. Youíll find out soon why. Fred started to get persnickety Friday evening .. just POW out of the blue he started acting out and getting sarcastic. Then he would refuse to tell me he was sick, as a matter of fact he wonít admit to feeling anything (not even hungry) when he gets like this so I have decided to not stare the 500 pound gorilla (that thinks itís hiding) in the face and call it out.

Instead I order another drink and talk to the person next to me laughing and yakking it up until he FINALLY VERBALIZES that he isnít feeling so hot and ADMITS he wants to go home. I act all shocked and say, ďMy goodness I must have asked you a dozen times if you were alright but you always said that you were fine so I stayed because Iím fine too but if you feel badly of course we have to get you home.Ē and off we go to home.

The next morning, Saturday, we headed off to the airport to go to Florida. As we were getting the heavy stuff out the door and into the car (which I admit fell mostly on him, sick or not heís the strong one.) He was also going to make a dump run so I looked pointedly at the floor where a gaggle of cardboard boxes was hanging around on the floor. He got pissed off and picked them up and said ďYou realize that Iím throwing away the weather station I just orderedĒ so I answered, ďStop acting like such an asshole. You know I thought it was just the boxes because you arenít neat and you make a shit hole of the area around your computer. Donít be a dick and throw them away.Ē So he put them back down but really what the hell was he trying to prove instead of just telling me what they were?

As we left he really looked bad and I offered to drive and he accepted. Our flight was at 12:30 so he went and got a sandwich that he had trouble opening the plastic wrapping it was enclosed with. Instead of asking me to open it he found more pleasure in manhandling it until the sandwich literally crumbled and came out in pieces from various holes in the wrapping and then he had the audacity to express an opinion that an 8 dollar sandwich should be eatable. I hate when he does his destruction displays of attention. He breaks minor stuff when he gets upset. I used to react to his violence (not violence to me but things that he uses as attention getting devices) with distress ( Iíve watched him throw and break three cell phones) but now Iíve learned to ignore him and get up and buy a sandwich of my own and delicately open it on the seam like heís the Fín idiot he is and show him what a dick he looked like in a public airport.

So we arrive in Florida and he wants to drive and I let him. I figure if we get some food in him as itís getting on towards 5:00 PM and that maybe it will perk him up a bit. He loves Mexican food so we stop at a Mexican place with good food. He orders three different enchiladas and a salad, I order the same combo. He eats most of the salad but when the Mexican food comes out he looks at it like itís dog crap. Now remember that Iíve been coddling him for two days now, Iím not really hungry Iím there for him, and today was all travel asking him things like ďHow are you feeling?Ē or ďAre you hungry?Ē and getting back ďI donít knowĒ. I mean how the F**** can you not know if you are sick or hungry? WTF?? I donít know if itís an attention getting device so Iíll fawn all over him like the three year old heís acting like or if heís really this out of touch with either his body or his feelings. After almost three years I really donít know but I do know Iím not the fawning type. If youíre sick, I care, and I will care for you but broken sandwiches and non-responsiveness to simple questions is not acceptable and counter productive.

Anyways I was only there to keep him company while he ate and he refused so we boxed it up and left. He slept all night until noon the next day, Sunday. He said he wanted to get out so we went out but he started to act out again in the stores by sighing loudly to show how much he was sacrificing and how put out he was to even be outside when he was sooo sick. I mean WTF? Why tell me you WANT to get out and then act like a martyr when you get there? I told him ďI can do things by myself. The Ex taught me well how to be alone. I donít NEED to drag you out when you are so obviously sick except when you tell me you arenít and then act like you are. Iím taking you back and doing the food shopping alone.Ē

So I did. I make sure I make it obvious when I donít like a behavior because he is definitely the martyr type. Actually I think he has some minor mental illness or developmental problem that I donít know the name of but Iím not leaving him for the oddness that occasionally comes out of him that is so frustrating because communicating his inner self seems impossible to him. I sometimes believe that heís telling me the truth when he says he doesnít know how he feels or if heís hungry but how can that be?

Anyhow heís been sleeping since Friday, even on the plane on Saturday, except the two hours he pretended to be well enough to go out on Sunday, all day, all night and now itís Sunday at 8PM and he just now got up and looks a tad better. I bet he sleeps all night after a brief stint with the TV. His temp is one degree below normal, not a fever, and Iím actually getting worried. I have no experience with below normal temperatures with flu like symptoms like sleeping all day and all night and achey joints everywhere. I urged two aleve on him and I think thatís the only reason heís feeling better and its good to laugh with him again but I told him that there is a clinic down the road and after being sick since Friday and sleeping into what looks like Monday, well Iím taking him in if heís not vastly improved by tomorrow.

I went from pissed off to pretty worried in about a New York minute when I thought he might be dying in there and here I am worrying about communication issues. Sometimes I suck too.


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Sickness