Here Be Dragons

2007-09-17

9-17-07

My Dad looks like he may move in with an old friend of his until the stairlift is installed. That�s a relief because it means he intends to do it. We all thought he�d just go home and finally take a header down the stairs. I wanted to visit him today but I got up too late and now something else has come up.

Of course it�s the Ex

His company has been sold to 3M and so his boss called him into his office and explained that he better do the last three months of his jail time now and not in January as they might not be so willing to hold his management position for three months while he does his time. 3M takes over officially in January so he has to go NOW.

CRAP!

He surrenders himself and pleads guilty this Wednesday. I get my 5 thousand dollars bail money back or so I thought. I drove him to the Doctor�s to get current prescriptions for his meds so the jail will continue to supply him and he said, �Diane, this was so sudden I had no time to prepare. It took me 6 months to save my house the last time and now my interest rate is really high. If I take all my holiday pay, OT and my paycheck I can pay this month�s rent. Could you take the bail money and pay the next month�s rent? That way when I get out I�ll only be one month behind and they won�t be trying to foreclose on me.�

CRAP!

Fred took a loan to pay off some high interest credit cards and we were counting on the money to help pay off the loan. So I called Fred and explained and being the angel he is he said it was OK. The Ex intends to pay off that payment with his tax returns so a bail I paid a year ago won�t be paid back until after April of next year. The thing is that he�s so screwed up that it feels like kicking a puppy when it�s down if you don�t help at least a little. At least after all this time broken up between us has passed he realizes that it�s a big imposition but he had nowhere else to turn.

So yeah I drive him to court Wednesday and get my money back and then save half for his rent and give the other half to Fred who is trying to pay down our credit cards which is what I would have done with it anyways.

I re-read some of the letters Ron, the Ex, wrote me from jail a year ago. You know, the ones where he declares he always loved me and was so sorry for what he�d done and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life making me happy. Yeah, I re-read them and had a little cry. You know I almost dumped Fred because of those letters and I got Ron, the Ex, out of jail and brought him home because the evil girlfriend that had put him in jail on fake assault and battery charges was at his house. Yet he wasn�t in my house 15 minutes before he was calling her and he was living with her again within a week. I almost ruined a really good thing for that lying piece of crap. When I think back on how close it was I shiver.

I guess when you marry someone and invest that much of yourself in someone over 25 years you kind of expect that it�s reciprocal, but that�s a bad assumption. So he�s going back in and he wants to spend his last moments free with me. He�ll probably write and call. He�ll ask me to ship him books. He�s already asked me to buy him some thermal T-Shirts so he can wear them into the jail. They keep it pretty cold in there and he has no car to go shopping with.

But this time I won�t be fooled by anything he says. It makes it a lot easier that this time I�m happy with a great man but I still hope that I�d be smart enough without him to not believe any lies he may tell from inside because this time I can hold the old letters in my hand and remember that they meant nothing the last time. This time I can hold Fred and see how real and in love he is with me. Real love not this desperation crap. But I tell ya it�s really hard to watch someone you once loved fail and you can�t help them or change them.

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